


gripping the ledge of unreason

by firebrands



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bookstore, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Bookstores, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 00:13:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21382903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebrands/pseuds/firebrands
Summary: for peach, who asked for a steve/tony bookstore au of some kind and also has this greatbookstore au moodboard.tony and steve have known each other for years, and finally opened a bookstore together. steve has learned to keep his feeling in check, and then tony had to go and quote poetry at him.(Marvel Bingo 2019 fill for "book store"
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 16
Kudos: 108
Collections: Marvel Bingo 2019





	gripping the ledge of unreason

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohjustpeachy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjustpeachy/gifts).

“if you don’t like people reading, then maybe you shouldn’t have opened a bookshop,” steve said evenly from where he’s seated, reading the newspaper. there was a cup of coffee steaming beside him that he’d prepared for tony, but before tony could even raise the mug to his lips he was distracted by a young man flipping through one of the books. he had cracked it open so widely that it had creased the spine, which steve knew tony hated.

“i didn’t say anything,” tony said, still wearing the scowl that had formed on his face when he’d see the boy open the book up.

“you didn’t have to,” steve smiled, putting the paper down and pushing the mug towards tony.

tony drank the coffee quietly.

they’d opened the store together a few months back, after finally finding the right spot in the middle of a university village. the place ensured that they’d get the foot traffic they needed to keep running. 

their friendship had spanned longer than that, meeting through common friends and finding a shared love for literature. through the years and books they’d lent each other, they’d formed a fast friendship, and steve fell in love with the way tony preened over new books, the way he had a manic air about him as he set about organizing. 

still, he kept his distance; it was a bad enough idea to start a business with a friend (even if the business was going well), but it just seemed too late to try for anything more. they’d known each other for almost a decade, now, and steve didn’t set out to fall in love, but that’s just the way it is.

“we’re getting a new shipment today,” tony said as he scrolled through his phone. “poetry. lots of college kids asking for it.”

“probably being discussed in english, then,” steve said, picking up the newspaper to stop himself from staring at the stubble that had grown on tony’s cheeks, meaning he hadn’t shaved this morning. it troubled him a little, still, that he’d notice these things. 

tony hummed in response, then moved to his desk to go through the inventory.

*

“you didn’t tell me the orders were for derek walcott,” steve said, standing over two boxes full of ‘c_ollected poems: 1948-1984′ _

“i didn’t know you liked him,” tony said from where he was leaning on the doorframe and watching steve. 

without thinking, steve recited a few lines from memory: “the fist clenched round my heart loosens a little, and I gasp brightness; but it tightens again.”

behind him, tony sucked in a breath, surprised. “when have I ever not loved the pain of love? but this has moved past love to mania!” he quoted the next lines to steve excitedly. “i _love_ that [poem](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.poetryfoundation.org%2Fpoems%2F57110%2Fthe-fist&t=N2E4NzgyNmM0OGU2MTVhZWVhOTNkMTYxMzlmYzNjY2IxNWQ0OWI1OCxlVWdQS2JETw%3D%3D&b=t%3A0FrZNbpb2Y7Pv-7ByNmerw&p=https%3A%2F%2Ffirebrands.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F188949651240%2Fhi-congrats-on-the-follower-milestone-im&m=1).”

steve bit his lip before plastering a smile on his face as he turned to look at tony. “never would’ve guessed,” he said, his heart hammering so hard against his chest it felt like it was cracking under the strain.

*

steve got in early, like he always did, and he flipped the sign on the door to from ‘closed’ to ‘open’ before he began brewing a pot of coffee. after a few minutes, he peered up at the sky as the first droplets of rain tapped against the window.

the cup of coffee was ready when tony came running in, shaking rain out of his hair as he shucked off his coat. “rain’s pretty bad,” tony said.

“i can tell,” steve answered, pushing the cup forward.

tony took a long drink before smiling at steve. “thanks,” he said, reaching over to squeeze steve’s forearm. “really.”

steve nodded at tony, smile tight. “any time.”

“no, really, steve. every morning, i always find myself looking forward to your coffee.”

steve continued to nod, not really knowing what to do with himself, hyper-aware of tony’s hand still on his, bare skin on bare skin, and they’d done this so many times, touched each other because it meant nothing but friendship to touch each other, except this felt different, somehow. all that’s going through steve’s head is tony’s voice, saying over and over again: “_but this has moved past love to mania._”

steve gently pried his arm away from tony’s grip, thoughts flying unbidden to the end of the poem. _hold hard then, heart. this way at least you live._

“i suppose we shouldn’t be expecting many customers today,” steve said, turning away from tony. “i’ll be at the back.”

and he was right; no one came in for an hour, and then another hour, and then it was lunch time and tony was standing by the door in his coat. he held steve’s jacket up to him expectantly. “how do you feel about getting some soup?” he asked, and he looked strangely chastened as he said so.

“soup sounds good,” steve answered, because he was a weak man when faced with tony’s sadness, no matter how nebulous.

“great,” tony said, brightening. “i have an umbrella that fits two and the perfect place in mind.”

the restaurant was only a block away, but it was raining hard enough that when they arrived, steve’s right arm was drenched, and tony’s left sleeve dripping water onto the carpet.

“he said it was big enough for two,” steve said apologetically to the waitress. beside him, tony huffed and stuffed the umbrella into the stand. 

the waitress smiled at them and led them to a table. “just give us a sec, we know what we’re getting,” tony said, because this waitress was new, and they were here at least once a month. 

steve leaned back on the chair and checked to see if his phone was safe as tony ordered a tomato soup for him, and pumpkin soup for steve. while waiting they talked about everything and nothing; updates on the book tony was reading, a story about a conversation steve had with sam after work.

“you’d think we’d run out of things to talk about,” tony says, laughing a little as their food arrived.

“yeah,” steve said, keeping the wistfulness from his tone. “that’s friendship for you.”

tony smiled back at steve, and began eating his soup. 

steve tucked in as well, trying to keep the food down despite the sudden queasiness. he felt very young again, all of the sudden, having these feeling stirring in him. he’d had a lid on them long enough, but it was almost cliche that a poem would send them surging back. but he knew, too, that there was nothing for it; he’d ride the crest of his wave like all the times the feelings roiled inside him. then it would be normal again.

tony looked up from his food to say something, then stopped and reached over to wipe a bit of soup from the side of steve’s lip.

steve startled so badly he dropped his spoon, splattering pumpkin soup all over himself. he noticed the shocked look on tony’s face before he stood up abruptly, and he meant to go to the bathroom, but his legs thought otherwise, and next thing he knew he was standing in the middle of the park, three blocks away from the restaurant, soaked through.

he felt, vaguely, like the heroine of a romcom.

except, the thought dully, this is where the story ended. tony wasn’t going to run up and sweep him off his feet.

steve stood for a few more minutes, calmed by the steady beat of raindrops on the crown of his head, and then walked home.

miraculously, his phone was working, and he sent tony a text saying he just headed home for a change of clothes. 

tony replied with a curt ‘ok.’ and steve was back in the shop in less than an hour (an hour he spent mostly thinking of an excuse for his behavior).

tony was standing behind the cashier when steve entered, and he raised an eyebrow at steve in greeting.

steve smiled, a little embarrassed, and then headed to the back room to pick up books that needed shelving.

tony, surprisingly, remained silent as steve set the box of books down and began filling up the shelves. steve let himself fall into the relaxed attentiveness of menial, repetitive work, and was jolted out of his reverie when he noticed a shadow over the now half-empty box of books.

tony looked at steve searchingly.

“you good?” he asked.

“yes,” steve said, standing up straight, confident because of the space between them. 

as if noticing this, tony stepped over the box, making him almost chest to chest with steve.

“because–” tony started, reaching out for steve’s hand, which was still on one of the books. steve didn’t mean to draw his hand away, but he did.

tony breathed out through his nose. “because that’s a thing that’s happening,” he said, sounding displeased.

“nothing,” steve said haltingly, “nothing’s happening.”

“tell me what’s wrong,” tony ordered.

“nothing!” steve said, and tried to move past tony to the front of the shop, where he wasn’t trapped in between bookshelves and the love of his life.

tony sidestepped and blocked steve’s way. “oh, there’s definitely something,” he said, placing a hand on steve’s shoulder, as if to ensure that steve couldn’t escape.

“there’s really nothing to talk about, tony,” steve said as he took a step back and shrugged off tony’s hand.

“you keep doing that!” tony snapped.

“and you keep doing _that_!” 

“so what?” tony yelled, hands thrown up in the air in exasperation.

“so what?” steve said shrilly, anger finally getting the best of him. “so stop touching me because it hurts because i love you!” he shouted, and then felt his breath catch.

tony took a step forward. steve took a step back.

they kept moving until steve was backed up against a bookshelf, neither of them saying a word as tony closed in on him, both of them just breathing, silent as if they were letting steve’s words settle in between them.

tony looked at steve defiantly. “say that again,” he said.

“no.”

“please,” tony whispered, but he didn’t have to; there was barely any space between them now, and the shop was quiet save for the rain tapping against the windows.

“tony–” steve felt trapped, and horrified, and embarrassed.

tony reached out to touch him, slowly, as if afraid to startle steve, and steve swallowed as he felt tony’s hand rest against his cheek. 

steve’s breath was coming in short bursts, and he swallowed again as he looked at tony, one of his best friends, who he’d basically seen grow up since they’d met in college, tony, his business partner who made sure that they’d be sustainable and that their friendship didn’t crumble under the weight of shared responsibility, tony, who liked his coffee with two spoonfuls of brown sugar, tony, whose eyes were warm and lovely, whose cheeks were dusted pink–

“steve,” tony said, calling his attention, right before sealing the space between them with a kiss.

*

another semester passed, and they received another order of poetry books. 

“it’s neruda, this semester,” tony had said from the back, where he was tearing tape off the edges of the boxes.

steve nodded distractedly as he filled up another order slip, only stopping his scribbling when he felt tony’s warm weight pressed against his side.

tony leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to steve’s cheek as he held up one of the books. he cleared his throat before he began to read: “_te amo sin saber como, ni cuándo, ni de donde, te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo_.” tony paused and looked at steve. “do you recognize [this one](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.poetryfoundation.org%2Fpoems%2F49236%2Fone-hundred-love-sonnets-xvii&t=MjgzMzU2MmRhNDRlM2E1OGY1NzRlMTEzYmJiYmNiZWYxOTM4OTgzNixlVWdQS2JETw%3D%3D&b=t%3A0FrZNbpb2Y7Pv-7ByNmerw&p=https%3A%2F%2Ffirebrands.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F188949651240%2Fhi-congrats-on-the-follower-milestone-im&m=1)?” he asked. 

“no,” steve said, smiling at tony. “will you translate it for me?”

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr saw it first [here](https://firebrands.tumblr.com/post/188949651240/hi-congrats-on-the-follower-milestone-im)
> 
> i'm also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/firebrandss)!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hold Hard, Then, Heart (the poetic declaration remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852765) by [Lets_call_me_Lily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_call_me_Lily/pseuds/Lets_call_me_Lily)
  * [Hold Hard, Then, Heart (the poetic declaration remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852765) by [Lets_call_me_Lily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_call_me_Lily/pseuds/Lets_call_me_Lily)


End file.
